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Tiffany S asked:


OK, so here is my story (in short form):
1) I am 20 years old and not married. I am 9 months pregnant with a little girl, which was never planned. I have had a romantic relationship with her father, who just turned 22 years old, for about 3 years now. At the time I became pregnant, he had been dating another girl for about a month, but continued to tell me that he loved me, lying to me about the status of his other relationship on several occasions. He continues to date this girl, has continually lied to her about my pregnancy, and has purposely planned to spend time with her on important dates such as my doctor’s visits, baby shower, ultrasound appointments, etc.
2) When I told him I was pregnant, he threatened to leave me if I did not have an abortion, and later tried to bargain with me, telling me that he would leave his other girlfriend and come back to me if I went through with the abortion. (This was an online conversation that I have logged on my computer as evidence.)
3) I have saved .mp3 versions of voicemails he’s left me, screaming at me while he followed me around our college campus, talking about how he did not love “that thing growing in my stomach”, etc. etc. I saved these in case I needed to use them in court…now he says he wants joint custody of the baby, but I am not sure I want the baby around him until he gets some serious help.
4) He is currently unemployed but is perfectly capable of getting a job since he is only 1.25 credits short of a Bachelor’s degree (though he failed to graduate from college this past year). He lives with his parents and grandmother, doesn’t pay rent, pay for his own food, etc. They know I am pregnant but have made no effort to contact or help me. I am working full-time right now, pay for my own apartment, and am right on track to finish up my Senior year of college and graduate in 2009 with my baby.
5) QUESTION: Once we establish paternity (required since we are not married), should I immediately acquire a lawyer for the child support hearing? Is this standard procedure? What might the lawyer be able to do with the aforementioned evidence? I have friends who have seen his behavior and are willing to testify in court if they have to. He has never been supportive or cooperative about the pregnancy and I am concerned for my own well-being as well as my daughter’s.

Be a little patient here people, Yahoo! wouldn’t let me enter the whole thing in one go. Thanks.
“I think you need to put any animosity aside for the sake of your pregnancy and your unborn baby.”

Thanks, but this goes far beyond any “animosity” that I may or may not hold for the baby’s father. I have forgiven him for over 3 years for all sorts of things, repeatedly cheating on me, his pathological lying, getting drunk and vomiting all over my floor expecting me to clean it up on multiple occasions, the list goes on and on. I have done nothing but try to work this relationship out with him over and over again. He has a lot of serious psychiatric issues that have gone undiagnosed for the past few years. I have spoken with a psychologist about it and it is very likely a personality disorder. There is a LOT more to this story…rest assured my daughter will know who her father is and know good things about him, and I want my daughter to be around her father, but not if his mental state is going to provide an unsafe and damaging environment for her.
I AM AWARE THAT WE NEED TO ESTABLISH PATERNITY!!! I MENTIONED THAT ABOVE ALREADY!!! YOU DO NOT NEED TO TELL ME THIS, I AM NOT STUPID!!!

And this is NOT a question about how much child support he will/won’t have to pay!!! If he pays child support, there will be custody issues to deal with, whether we are married or not!!! This is about the child support hearing…will custody come up…should I get a lawyer to express my concerns about custody at the support hearing, and is this a normal procedure?!
“As for the guy, I wouldn’t have anything to do with him. He obviously isn’t that much into you and isn’t ready for a family. He is too young. Both of you are. You have both destroyed your lives and that is why he is behaving this way. This is the time to graduate from college, get a solid career, etc. and then you plan marriages and babies. You don’t get pregnant with a guy that is seeing another girl on the side.”

Okay, who the hell are you to judge me and tell me that I have destroyed my life? Because a child that I will love with all my heart is now a part of my life? What the hell is wrong with you? Do you KNOW me? No, you sure as hell don’t. I was with this person for THREE YEARS, he was with another girl for ONE MONTH and he LIED to me about it. You are rude and judgmental and have no right to say such things to me or anyone. You people can all go take a hike, posting here was an obvious mistake, I am studying to be a lawyer and some of this “advice” is just absurd.

Nicky