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Anne L asked:


Because it took me a year. Why so long, I wonder?

My husband left me after I put him through law school. He left me for a younger (but uglier…sorry) law student. I was KILLED. I cried every day for months, I begged and pleaded (now you know how attractive THAT is), I put her down, I contacted her and told her that she was ruining my life and stealing my husband (gee, I can’t believe a woman who knowingly dates a married man doesn’t care about his wife’s feelings), I was angry and petty and mean, I bargained with God (yeah, God doesn’t make deals), I pleaded with God (worked about as well as pleading with my cheating husband not to leave me after I helped him through the lean years and he’s going to be a success). Anyway, I used to read his and her myspace and blogs. I don’t know why…I guess just to know what they were up to. Well, they were dating and having fun and having *** and his family loves her. Think that made me feel good about myself? HELL NO. Did that stop me from reading it, and even looking for it? HELL NO. I’ll never understand why I willingly and knowingly subjected myself to that hurt, but then one day, like a year later, I was online and I realized, “Hey, it’s been a day since I’ve read his or her blog or myspace or facebook”. And then it dawned on me - I don’t have to read that or subject myself to that. It hurts and I know it will so I don’t have to do that. It was at that point that I took back control. These people who don’t even care about me don’t get to dictate how I feel. Sounds so simple, but it was hard to realize and it took forever to get there. But I did. One day turned into two and so on.

Anyway, I ended up filing for divorce (which pissed him off b/c who wants to be dumped on paper, even if you know in your heart that you are the dumper, not the dumpee), I got a divorce. And he got arrested for DUI and she dumped him because he was “bad for her career”. Then he begged me to take him back and I didn’t even respond. Now he can’t get hired at any decent firm because he’s considered such a risk, I went back to get a Ph.D. in child psychology (my lifelong dream), and I don’t laugh when I think about the past, but uh…damn near close.

Poetic, just because it took me a year doesn’t mean it will take you a year. I had been in love and (as far as I knew) happily married to who I thought was the man of my dreams and my best friend for five years, and I felt used and discarded because he made it clear that he only used me and now that he was done and didn’t need me anymore, he was moving on. But yes, the fact that the woman he was dating was younger and going to be a lawyer hurt, but that hurt was buffered by the fact that she was physically unattractive (sorry, but I’m just remembering what I went through, and I know that’s superficial, but that’s life), that she came from a lower class background and was much less accomplished at her age than I was at her age, and MOSTLY my hurt/jealousy was buffered by the fact that this woman was someone who had no qualms about dating a married man and didn’t think twice about committing adultery because “she didn’t take vows”…well, she still got to be named as correspondent. Yep.
MP, you are right. I cannot imagine how painful it would have been if he did this and we had children.

Now I realize that it was a starter marriage. I took it seriously. He didn’t. It meant something to me. Nothing to him. Now I am stronger, you’re right. I’ll never let any person put me on the backburner so our world can revolve around them. I am grateful for the breakup of this marriage, because I feel that I will be ready to meet a great guy who adores and respects me, as I will him, in return.

A friend of mine said, “you can’t really appreciate a truly good man unless you’ve had a bad one”. Well, let’s just say I believe her and I’m looking forward to my future with a Ph.D. in hand, my faith, my education, my good heart. And maybe a man who loves me for me and not for what I can do for him…but even if that’s not in the cards, at least I’m happy and complete on my very own, if that makes sense. I realize now that I’m worth 20 of him. I really am.

Parker